Photography Blooms for Beckah

June 9, 2009

Beckah is going to be busy for a few days, so I am making an entry on my journal for her. She has been very busy recently. About a year ago she got very serious about her photography and bought a very nice camera. She has been practicing her photography ideas on me and London and bugs and flowers and anything else that moves, or doesn’t. This has translated into time using Photoshop to enhance the images. I admit I have nudged her a bit, but only a little. It’s great watching this hobby emerge in her.

I, and other people, keep telling her that she needs to go professional and start charging people for her service. She has said it was a hobby and she doesn’t want to charge, yet. Well, yet has passed and she has done two photography gigs. I’m not here to focus on the whole photography evolution though. I want to focus on last night.

Last night she photographed a wedding of a friend of a friend of a sister-in-law. She knew one other person at the wedding by acquaintance. She got her gear, drove across town to a house she had never been to before, walked in and OWNED her position as photographer. She was polite, and commanding so that she got the shots she wanted.

I only know this because she asked that I be there to hold a light reflector so her subjects would be lit a little better. Beckah was laughing and being jovial and loose but in control. She would request the subjects she wanted like she’s done 100 wedding shoots. “I need the mother and the mother in law!” “Hold those flowers higher, please.” It was awesome.

If you haven’t seen her work, you better go to www.beckahlaine.blogspot.com and cruise through some of her entries. She is an amazing photographer, amazing Photoshopper. You should wait and see what she comes up with next!

A Story of Hunting

June 1, 2009

It’s been nearly a month since my last update. There are a few things happening of interest but I thought I’d share a story from my co-worker. This is my own retelling so some details may be incorrect. Here it goes.

My friend used to live in Alaska. He enjoyed hunting and is flabbergasted at how difficult it is to hunt here in Utah than it was to hunt in Alaska. I have no comment since I have never hunted anywhere, unless you count fishing and shooting cans at twenty paces. In any case, when my friend did hunt in Alaska he would try new places and new things, just in the effort of having fun.

He lived on the coast of Alaska off shore about 10-15 miles was an island. I do not know the name of the island nor do I know exactly where it is. But, he and three or four of his friends got in a boat that was not classically built for ocean going travel. It was a duck hunting boat with very low sides. But off into the ocean they went loaded down with nearly half a dozen overweight men, guns, and supplies. Have no fear, they made it to island safely.

Once there they spent their morning hunting and had killed five deer by 12:00. They patted themselves on the back and figured it was time to go home. They looked across the ocean, then at their tiny boat, and then at the five carcasses. How would they solve this problem? Abandoning their kill was not an option, nor was leaving anyone on the island. Their first attempt consisted of piling all the men and deer in the boat and setting out. The boat was taking on too much water too fast and they quickly turned around, no better than when they left. Now what? One supply they did have was a length of rope, 50 feet long.

They tied the rope to each deer’s leg and made a 50 foot daisy chain of deer to drag behind the boat through the salt water of the north Pacific Ocean between the island and the mainland. A little salt water wouldn’t be bad for the meat. They set out and everything was working great! The boat was floating, the deer were securely attached and they were making progress across the 10-15 miles of water.

One thing I forgot to mention! In Alaska, deer hunting season happens to coincide with the time of year that orca whales are migrating through the area. I don’t really need to continue because with that sentence everyone knows what is coming next. Deer are not a regular part of the average orca diet, but it turns out orca are remarkably willing to add new things to their palette. As the boat was buzzing along, the men noticed that the bow of the boat pitched up a significant amount and they began moving backwards. Shocked initially, they soon realized their predicament, as they now noticed the orca fins moving in the water. They were officially trolling for orca!

But these men are all-American hunters. Cutting the rope and releasing the meat to the whales was absolutely off the table. They were half way home. They could do it! They revved up the motor and continued at risk to their safety and their lives. They endured two more occurrences of the bow pitching upwards, the boat moving backwards for a period of time and then feeling the rope snap before returning to their forward momentum.

They made it back to land with two deer, the boat in tact and not a single soul lost. They vowed to never repeat the folly. Makes for a great story though!

London Has Her First Birthday

May 5, 2009

Today is my little girl’s birthday. She is one year old today! I remember vividly the day she was born. I never imagined I would be a husband, never mind a father 5 years ago. One year ago I had just started at American Express, now I’m working at Rio Tinto. Where will I be next year?

London is an amazing little girl. She is so peaceful and calm and happy. I love making funny faces at her to make her laugh. I love watching her smile when I put her to bed and I enter the room with her tooth brush in my hand and she smiles because she LOVES having her teeth brushed. I love watching her teeth grow and come in one by one. I love holding her upside down and then righting her only to watch her fling her head back as if to scream, “Again, again, again!!!”

I love to call her “my little potato”. I love when strangers comment in the store about London’s eyes and how beautiful they are, and how big they are, and how blue they are, and how long her eye lashes are. I love when she is happy and just babbles on and on in baby talk. I love watching her copy Beckah and I and do patty cake, “no, no, no” while she shakes her head back and forth. She says, “uh oh” only as a baby can do. I love when she happily says, “da da da da”. Even though she may not know what it means, I know there will come a day when she says “dad” because she needs me.

That’s my girl! London, 79 or 80 more years to go and we’ll call it a success. My baby is still baking right now. She’s not done yet.

Drugs and Babies

April 29, 2009

My daughter has been getting over a little cold, and in fact we thought it was gone. She started coughing again and no one else thought much of it; it was just a little cough. But today my wife noticed her wheezing and took her to the doctor. The doctor said she had an ear infection and that he had been seeing lots of cases of bronchitis. He prescribed a few things. That is where this journal entry begins.

I'm very glad Beckah took her to the doctor. I had lots of ear infections as a child and they hurt and I don't want to see my daughter in pain. This is a condition worthy of doctor-prescribed drugs. But I also get a little uncomfortable with drugs, for so many reasons I don't know where to start.

We were all told as CHILDREN not to do drugs. Not street drugs, not prescription drugs. We were even told to be careful with Tylenol and aspirin. Now, I received the message. I know others have too. But all you have to do is open a newspaper or a news Website and you will see quickly that drugs (illegal and prescription) are out of control in society. Everyone seems to be addicted to something. People are popping allergy pills, or diet pills, or menstrual pills, or anything else.

How did this happen? Why did this happen? Is this a historical change? If it is a historical change, is it for the better or for the worse? Increased education and awareness of health is fine and great and wonderful. Doctors prescribing stuff to get kickbacks from pharmaceutical companies is not good. I remember having a cold and going to doctors by myself in college and being prescribed one medication to clear lungs and sinuses. I got a cold a few years ago and went to the doctor and was prescribed three medicines: a decongestant, something to clear my lungs, AND an inhaler. I looked at the doctor and asked, "Do I need the inhaler?" He said, "No." I only bought the one prescription to decongest me. Somehow I survived to tell the story.

Before I go too much further I should say that I am not going all scientologist on you. If one needs medicine, go see a trusted doctor, let him prescribe what is needed and then take the medicine and be healthy. But the human body is an amazing work of God, set and ready to heal itself. It does not need drugs to do everything. Health is not about as being as comfortable as possible. Otherwise we could all take heroin and be comfortable.

I do have a point here. Tonight I came home and was introduced to the medicines London has been prescribed. They include Motrin, A/B Otic ear drops, Amoxicillin and Albuterol. I'm all for the ear drops and amoxicillin because they both deal directly with the ear infection and I see them as needed. I can even swallow the Motrin to help her sleep and as a general pain reliever. I am having gigantic, looming, ignorant questions about the Albuterol.

Here is why. Tonight I sat my daughter in my lap and turned on an air pump that was connected to a surgical tube that attached to an object that looks like it belongs in a meth addict’s arsenal. The object holds the medicine and the air pump agitates the liquid to create a continuous puff of smoke/steam. It has a mouth nipple on the end of it that fits right into my perfect, unadulterated, innocent daughter's mouth. She breaths in, the smoke goes into her lungs and I am told it opens them to help her breath.

That's a good payoff! Meanwhile I feel like I am teaching my daughter to huff paint fumes! My insides curl at the thought of watching my daughter breathe anything other than crisp air, created by God. Of course I have researched the offending medicine and it seems to be non-addictive, it isn't even a steroid of any kind. We only have to give it to her until Monday. They prescribe the same stuff to sufferers of asthma, athletes in the middle of working out and other seemingly innocent circumstances and situations. My fear is that giving her this medicine will be like telling her lungs, "You don't have to work as hard to heal this. The drugs will do the work, you take a break." And her little lungs will respond, "Yeah, ok. I will sit this one out." And rather than HER fighting the disease and increasing her immune system, she will become accustomed to having an innocent drug do the work.

Next thing you know, she has asthma, can't lift a finger without taking a pill, certainly can't fight a cold without at least 3 bottles of hormones of various kinds. I'm worried it will make my daughter weak to give her medicine that she may not need! When I got a cold as a child I don't remember ever taking home a machine to huff away at. I survived. I’m even pretty healthy. This drug wasn't even legal in the United States until 1980. Why do we need this now? Is it that our children will die if they don't get this life saving miracle drug? No! I believe that an insurance office gets a check if a doctor can find some way to justify prescribing their drug. Medicine gets sold, everyone cashes checks, and my daughter becomes weak.

I hope I am not ignorant. I really like our pediatrician. He's very nice, I believe he is very intelligent and both Beckah and I really like him a lot. But nice guys also like money. Lord knows, if I was a doctor and the more medicine I prescribed the higher I got paid, I would be giving prescriptions to trees for fertilizer.

I know that I am making noise over a very common, normal thing. But what if I am right? What if to a certain extent we were all at the mercy of whatever the doctors wanted us to be at the mercy of? Take the swine flu for example. It's spreading! Across the world! It has killed some people! Oh my GOSH!!! It's like…EVERY OTHER FLU THAT HAS EVER EXISTED!!! Run for your lives (because CNN told you to)!!! Quick, better run out and get vaccinated! Your local doctor can prescribe it quickly and for less than you'd think. But, you'd better hurry! Supplies are limited. And it's your duty to protect your family. You don't want to let your family down, do you? And your country, you better not let it down. Quick, go the doctor!!!

See what I mean. I'm not dismissing the swine flu as child's play. (Maybe the world needs a nice dose of Darwin anyway.) Nor am I refusing to give my daughter the medicine. I am striving with all I can to be as healthy as I can be, for my family, and my country. This is just how I feel.

Solving the Cube

April 26, 2009

Last night for the first time, I solved a Rubik's Cube the honest way.

New Job at Rio Tinto

April 5, 2009

I started a new job as an SQL database administrator at Rio Tinto as of Wednesday. My contract expired at American Express and they did not renew. So far Rio Tinto seems to be the best and job I have ever had. It's close to home, covered parking, new building, I'm learning tons and I am even able to offer some things with my Web design and documentation background. There is a lot more that is good too but I don't want to yammer on here. Suffice to say, three days into the job and it all looks well.

London has been crawling for around two weeks now, and she is really hitting her stride. She can target a destination from across the room and crawl there quickly. I am in the process of putting clips on cabinets and truly learning how to child proof a home as best as possible. She hasn't gotten into anything dangerous yet, but its just a matter of time before we turn our back long enough for her to fall down the stairs.

Eddie's birthday party is tonight. We are heading to his house today for a BBQ.

Kai is the dog of champions. He is getting grumpy in his old age. He will be sleeping and total silence and suddenly stand up and growl and change positions for no reason. He also does that if we are talking too much or he is disturbed. He does not like it when London touches him and will growl at her, which he gets in trouble for. He does still love his walks and is still playful. He's a very good dog, doesn't chew on anything he's not supposed to. We have literally never once caught him chewing on any of London's toys or shoes. He is the power dog!

The fish tank is fine. The pump got jammed with a filter a few weeks ago and it over flowed and got the carpet wet. I had to learn how to pull back carpet, dry it out and replace it, which dad helped me with.

That's about all the updates I have going on for now.

AIDS is Negative

March 17, 2009

I heard the news today, oh boy...(The Beatles)

I have two points to make today: AIDS and Attitude. I could entwine the two to make a single point but actually they are separate and distinct. NPR today said that the city of Washington D.C. has AIDS rates comparable to countries in West Africa. They had lots of survey results. Among the few I remember were that a small percentage of people had no idea the AIDS status of the last person they had sex with and even fewer used a condom. It really changed my whole train of thought. We as a society think that AIDS is so bad, and it truly is a terrible disease and I don't want anyone to have it, whether you are gay, promiscuous, or an innocent child. The world economy is dumping millions of dollars into research centers and drugs and hospitals. All that action is like fighting the fires of hell with a water pistol. It is equivalent to parking an ambulance at the bottom of a cliff to catch the fallen, rather than placing a sign at the top that says, "Cliff ahead."

I believe humanity COULD wipe AIDS off the face of the earth in about thirty years. Let's say that tomorrow everyone picked one person to be with, make an honest effort to not do drugs, and that's it. In about 30 years all the people who currently have AIDS would die, and then that's it. AIDS, the virus, would go the way of the dinosaurs. The answer is that simple. I'm not suggesting being mean to those that have AIDS, or anything. Provide them with care and drugs, etc. But if people merely tried with an honest effort to be monogamous, I think 30 years max, and AIDS would be gone. I'm not talking about 1000 years of keeping your furnace at 55 degrees to stop global warming. I'm not suggesting no sex, I'm not even suggesting only heterosexuality (not in this journal entry anyway).

The problems with my plan are that monogamy is challenging to the world. I understand that. It's hard to not do drugs when you're addicted. I get that too. But we as a species would reap great rewards if we stopped AIDS. It's not like cancer, it doesn't just spring up. Specific actions lead to specific diseases.

Therefore I promote abstinence, I promote virginity, I promote commitment, I promote self-control. Within those confines there is room for fantastic sex, strength, health and fun.

Now let's talk about attitude. Several years ago I got real sick of the conversation that goes, "How are you?", "I'm fine."

"Fine" is such a lazy word. But you don't want to dump your life story on anyone when you're happy or when you're sad. So I began saying something different. I have tried all of the following words: great, super, acceptable, fantastic, not as good as you, and many more. Today someone asked me and I said, "Fantastic," which is my favorite. That one stops people in their tracks because they are not expecting that answer. This gentleman said, "Wow, fantastic! I wasn't expecting that. Bet you can't keep that up all day!" I replied, "Ask me later and watch what I say."

Now, I wasn't feeling all that wonderful, but I wasn't feeling bad. I was basically looking forward to my day and I stretched the truth just a little bit, I raised the bar, I set my goal high. By saying the word "fantastic" it immediately put my mind set right there. From that point I was having a great day and little could stop that from happening.

So my second conclusion is that you should be creative when someone asks you how you are doing, because whatever you say will be the result of the rest of your day. And then if you could manage to not have sex with that person you also won't have AIDS. Everybody will be having a great day!

Bobby McFerrin Concert

March 9, 2009

Friday morning I was driving to work as normal, listening to NPR and preparing to start my day. Suddenly I heard the radio state, "Bobby McFerrin at Kingsbury Hall on Saturday." That woke me up. There are a handful of people that I would like to see in concert: Natalie Merchant, Paul Simon, any of the remaining Beatles, James Taylor, Whiteheart, Extreme and Bobby McFerrin. So I heard that and thought, "I wonder what tickets to that cost? He's more artsy then he is fartsy so he probably performs for the love of education and music and I bet tickets are cheap. They have to be. It's at a University. Yep, gotta be cheap. I bet $10."

I got to work and looked up the show online. Well, it turns out Bobby is indeed try to profit from his talent and career (lousy Americans). Tickets were $30-$100 each. Too much for me when I'm telling my wife every week to hold back financially because of some random bill. I couldn't justify spending that money, not even on Bobby. Then I noticed online that one of the sponsors of the concert was American Express, where I happen to work (until April 1st anyway). I talked to 3 supervisors and got in touch with the public relations department. I found that the concert was set up through American Express over a year ago and the person who did it no longer works here. Nobody I talked to had any idea Bobby McFerrin was playing. Long story short: No tickets were available through American Express. If I was going to go to the show I was going to have to pay.

I talked with Beckah and she said, "If you want to go that bad, just buy the tickets and go." I then realized I could do that. I have a credit card, we were talking max $60 for nosebleed seats. But that would be so non gratifying. To just...buy...what you want. Where's the fun? I think I enjoy the thrill of the chase of free things more than the actual thing itself. How gratifying would it be to shuffle into the best seats in the house and sit next to people who paid $100 for each seat and smugly look at them and say, "Where did you buy your tickets? Because I got mine for NOTHING!!! MWUHAHAHAHAHAHA!". I would of course never say that, but the ability to say that is what I was chasing.

But at the heart of it all, I really wanted to see Mr. McFerrin do his proverbial "thang". I sat at my desk at work at 3:00 pm on Friday and thought, "C'mon, Craig. There is another way. Think. What would George Washington do?" Not only George, but also King David, Al Capone, Attila the Hun. Anyone who has ever faced insurmountable odds, done something creative and then became part of history. This was my goal. Never take "no" for an answer. Then it dawned on me, check the Internet! I looked at Craigslist.org and there I found three people selling tickets.

I called one gal and requested that she give me her front row tickets for nothing. She politely laughed and said, "No." I then called it a day. I figured the way to do this would be to wait until Saturday afternoon, find an available ticket and then let the magic work. Saturday morning I woke up and called the others on Craigslist.org and left messages. There was nothing else I could do at that point. I pretty much cancelled the event in my mind and planned on listening to a CD instead. About 4:00 one gentleman, Grant, called me back. I suggested a creative markdown. I offered $20 for the pair of tickets. We agreed on $45. That was $22.50 per ticket and they were about 5 rows from the front. I agreed.

Due to my Access consulting gig (which I will try to share with you at a later date) I couldn't pick up the tickets until 6:45. The concert was at 7:30 and we still had to find London a babysitter. Grandma and Grandpa filled that gap. Beckah was willing to go. Bobby McFerrin is not the most entertaining thing for her, but she came with me which I appreciate. I think she liked it more than she thought she would because I saw her smile and heard her laugh more than once that night. Regardless, once we finally hit the road we had no idea where we were going. I've only been to Kingsbury hall once or twice in my life. But luckily our GPS, whom we have named Gloria Phillips Simonson (Glo-glo for short) lead us right there. We were 45 minutes late but we had made it. I walked into the room and he was doing one of the two songs I really wanted to hear live, "Drive".

I'll never know what I missed the first 45 minutes but it was neat to walk in and see him from less than 100 feet away, on a perfectly lit stage, on a great sound system. It sounded just like listening to the CD, which makes sense because I'm sure he's performed that song around 30,000 times over his career. But the first impression was how dedicated he is to what he does, so much so that he can replicate the sound with what appeared to be minimal effort. And he did make it different. The beats he was creating had evolved from the original recording done in 1988.

We finally got sat down in our seats. Parts of the show reminded me of the George Winston concert in that Bobby was reproducing what I had heard on the CDs with such precision . I was mostly impressed with it, but it also made me want to hear different approaches and more talking from him. But he moved from one song to the next, barely letting the audience respond with applause, sometimes even interrupting the clapping, directly telling viewers to be quite. But everything he did was with a sense of humor. George, as much as I respect what he did, seemed to take himself a little too seriously. There was no jokes, or smiling, or cleverness with George. He still had the hanger from the dry cleaners in his shirt AND in his pants. With Bobby, every sound he made was done with a smirk just behind his lips, as if he was thinking, "Wait till they hear this."

I was worried that the show was going to be him singing with a choir 100% of the time, but I was glad to see that at least 60% of what I saw was his solo work. Every once in a while he would do a song or two with a choir, a jazz group, or different sets of dancers. Overall I disapproved of this. I wanted to see Bobby, not some post-pubescent college students trying to fit in with a professional. However, of the special guests that appeared I liked the choir and jazz group the best. Bobby directed each voice of the choir (bass/tenor/alto/soprano) to sing a one measure section. He layered them all together to create an ostinato, and then he vamped over it for 16 bars or so, then with a wipe of his hand silenced them and rebuilt a new pattern. He did all this without talking. Just by singing and motioning them to mimic him.

What I don't know is how much preparation they had. Did Bobby know exactly what he would have them sing, or was he totally freewheeling it? Either way it was creative. I don't think he needed the choir to do this though. He was doing similar stuff with the audience earlier. This was merely showcasing the college choir. McYawn.

The jazz group was interesting. He did basically the same thing by getting the band to improvise and with hand gestures only directing who would play next, him vamping the whole way. It was impressive to see the improvisation of the band and see how Bobby worked his instrumental voice into the mix. It didn't even dawn on me that I don't like jazz vocals, but he was more of an instrument than a vocal, which I think was the point.

Now let's talk about dancers. I respect what these dancers did in that I'm sure they practiced hard and some of the students were probably on scholarship for dancing. I respect that it is an art form that some people really like. I however am not one of those people. Watching the dancers simply increased my desire to shoot dancers in the ankle with a high powered blow dart or shot gun, like one would shoot skeet, or some other totally useless piece of clay. As the dancers ran across the stage I just envisioned myself chasing them with the sight of a powerful weapon. They performed bizarre improvisational hand movements and arm wigglings which were just silly. And I'm all about silly. I love being silly. If wiggling your arms makes someone laugh at you, it should be done. But nobody was laughing. The whole audience was silent and awed with wonder and art appreciation. I felt like the only one who realized, "People, this is stupid. These dancers are not entertaining you. They are fooling you. You paid money to watch them wiggle. We should be outraged and rioting, not staring in wonder at their art!!!"

If by chance any of the dancers themselves are reading this, please know that I don't really want to shoot you. I just think that its time to focus on other areas of life. If you want to dance, that's great! Learn ballroom dancing, or the rumba or ballet, or something. Or do math, or psychology or something.

Sorry, had to get that off my chest. Bobby did talk a little bit during the show. He told the audience how in Finland he came up with the idea of doing the Ave Maria song over a Bach's First Prelude. Being a Bobby fan, I have looked up lots of his stuff on YouTube.com and the Internet so the bits I did hear him say in the show I had heard word for word before from previous shows. This makes me think that Bobby does have a set of songs he probably alternates through for live shows. Which is totally fine. I learned long ago that if you want to be a rock star, you pick a few things you're good at and you do those things very well. So I don't slight Bobby at all for doing his best stuff. Not to mention the commercial appeal. People go to a Bobby McFerrin show to see him do the things they expect him to do.

I would have liked to see him do more solo stuff, both serious works of art as well as humorous pieces. I would really like to see his creative process at work. In other words watch him learn something he has never done before, watch him create a new song, or watch him transpose an existing song he has never worked on previously. It would be amazing to watch that process at work. I would love to see him do something he's not famous for. For example, I know he plays piano, but would happen if you gave him a guitar or a drum set? What would happen immediately? What would happen after a month? Does he have the discipline to stick with it for a year, and if he did what would be the result? Does he have other talents? What if tried to write? Or defuse a bomb? Anything. The point I'm getting at is that he is still a man and he must drive cars, pay bills, father children. If my talent is writing Webpages (And I'm not saying it is) I can also do other things, and I bet Bobby (or any other performer) has multiple talents. I wonder what they are?

From this concert I learned that Bobby got his start by accompanying college students on piano at the University of Utah. I don't know how I missed that in all my online research. But he has lived and worked in Utah. I believe I have read that he is a Christian as well. I would love to discuss faith and religion with someone like Bobby. If Bobby ever wrote an essay about religion I would eat that up. If he lived in Utah I bet he has ideas about Mormonism. What inputs does he have on Christian music? He's traveled the world for multiple decades so I bet his mind and opinions would be fascinating. I wonder if he breaks into song when he's cooking noodles with his family? Lord knows I do. He seemed very happy and satisfied on stage. I realize that on stage he is performing and part of his job is to express happiness. But his happiness came from his core. I bet he is happy, and satisfied with his life. If he is Christian, then he is heaven bound. If that's true and I also have an eternity to spend in heaven then he is a person I would like to have lunch with sometime in the next eternity.

Totally unrelated, Eddie and I recorded a song on Sunday. It's the song I wrote for Beckah called "Better Off". The song has its own story, but the session that Eddie and I did was the most efficient, highest quality recording we have ever done. Eddie is going to mix it and come back with something that I am looking forward to. I know I keep saying that I am going to put my music on this Webpage. I will someday. This whole page needs a redesign. Someday....someday...

100 Things About Beckah

February 25, 2009

100 things I love about Beckah.

100. When she hugs me just right, I feel it down to my bones.
99. She lets me try things like insurance, teaching Photoshop, real estate investing, composting, indoor greenhouses, among other things, even though most of my ideas fail. And not just fail, we're talking spectacular, flaming, loud, public, Challenger Space Shuttle level failures.
98. She asks me how to spell things, and definitions just to make me feel smart. This goes back to our Internet chatting days.
97. She is competitive.
96. She does better on tests than me on a regular basis, no matter what the test is about.
95. She tells me I am strong. The poor girl is obviously delirious.
94. Her blog is wonderful.
93. She is very cautious about religion and spirituality.
92. She likes to write.
91. She lets me call her "Wombat".
90. When we drive by the sign in Tennessee that says, "Turkey Shoot every Thursday," she is not phased in the least.
89. She helps me on my Christian walk when I ask, and when I don't ask.
88. She likes the music she likes (DC Talk, Audio Adrenaline) and she let's me like the music I like (Beatles, Extreme, Natalie Merchant, Whiteheart). It's truly zen when we both like the same music (Counting Crows).
87. She gets really excited about movies like "Gremlins", "Monster Squad", and "Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles".
86. She is smart, smart, smart.
85. She has cute ears.
84. She plays well with others.
83. She understands that I like to walk around the yard when I come home from work.
82. Every once in a very blue moon she's a dirty bird.
81. She loves me back...hard.
80. She lets me call her "Lowfer".
79. She lets me give her goosebumps.
78. She sometimes talks to me for 20 minutes straight without breathing about the things I've done that are good that she likes and says thank you.
77. She doesn't have any tattoos.
76. London looks just like her mom.
75. She plays with the dog.
74. She is Christian, and not just in name. She truly loves God.
73. She helps me job hunt.
72. She lets me have a fish tank.
71. She likes to hear me sing.
70. She didn't make me feel stupid for losing my first wedding ring. And then she got me another one!
69. She makes me dinner as a regular part of her routine.
68. She likes Paul and Michelle and Jojo and anyone else I call my friend.
67. She loves London and works with her on a level I think I will never understand.
66. She used to play drums.
65. She can do basic math on the fly without even writing anything down on paper, which is handy when grocery shopping. I can't do basic math if I have a calculator, 2 hours of silence, 3 Phd tutors and an answer sheet in front of me, so its amazing to me.
64. She has faith in me.
63. She has hounds that terrify me. I hate the hounds. I hate them so much. But I love that her hounds are only for me.
62. She is concerned about people being nice to me.
61. She is proud of me.
60. She likes to brag to other people about me.
59. She loves to laugh with me.
58. She rubs my head and lets me lay on her lap at any time.
57. She touches my ears because it relaxes me.
56. If someone gave her a million dollars she'd turn around and give it to her family and wouldn't skip a beat or miss the money at all.
55. She can kickbox quite well.
54. She doesn't smoke or do drugs and she never has and she never will.
53. She always looks good. Always. I don't remember ever looking at her and thinking, "I wish she wasn't wearing that." If she wore a burlap sack I have no doubt that I would find it irresistible.
52. She likes to cook and she makes a mean hot dog casserole.
51. She remembers things forever. Sometimes its quite inconvenient but its always remarkable.
50. She absorbed Photoshop from me and ran with it.
49. She really likes lip gloss but will wipe it off her lips to kiss me just because she knows I'm not fond it.
48. She has wonderful hair.
47. She hates traffic.
46. She lets me call her "Da Baykah".
45. She likes when I get excited over small things.
44. She boosts my ego.
43. She likes to be creative with photography, scrapbooking, cooking and interior design.
42. She's really good at, "Best Thing, Worst Thing."
41. She gets really excited when London does something new.
40. She hasn't left me yet!
39. She is mindful of how she spends money and how it affects our budget and often goes without things she wants for the benefit of the budget.
38. She comes and visits me for lunch at work sometimes.
37. She comes to the mountains with me sometimes.
36. She genuinely likes my mom and dad, brother and sister and all their respective families.
35. She gets really convicted about God/church/spitituality sometimes.
34. She has bright eyes.
33. She lets me pick the movie sometimes.
32. She likes breaking out the original Nintendo and playing games.
31. She takes time to sincerely thank me and really mean it for doing the stuff I'm supposed to do like unclogging toilets and sinks, car maintenance, yard work, taxes.
30. She totally gets "go-mode" and even participates in it sometimes.
29. She understands that I'm crazy and will work with my OCD tendencies.
28. When I make a journal entry I make her read it out loud to me and she always does.
27. She cleans the house which makes me warm and fuzzy all over.
26. She finishes my sentences at least once a day, and I do the same for her.
25. She lets me interrupt her in the middle of doing anything (cooking, reading) if I have a question, or a problem, or if I just want to stand next to her.
24. She makes me get out of bed in the mornings so I can come home earlier. I hate it at the time but its a good thing that I appreciate about her.
23. When she gets motivated there is no stopping her.
22. She likes to travel.
21. She is strongly connected to her family in Tennessee.
20. Her parents are not divorced.
19. She can make me smile simply by saying, "Don't smile!" This would work if I was on death row and about to be executed.
18. She likes to be challenged.
17. She remembers Gregg like a loved one ought to be remembered.
16. She was a virgin when I married her (We have since resolved that issue.)
15. She can hold her fingers so they look like a witch's hands.
14. She knows more about the Bible than I do.
13. She wants to go to London, England as much as I do.
12. She tells me things that only married people tell each other and I love it. It's a part of intimacy.
11. She has skin to DIE for. It's so smooth and soft and perfect.
10. She always tell me which song was her favorite after church.
9. She writes notes to me by tracing one letter at a time on my leg during church.
8. She is willing to have a second baby.
7. She kept talking to me on our first chat.
6. She is responsible for every stitch of clothing that I wear.
5. She moved to Utah.
4. She lets me call her "Botra".
3. She still calls her father "Daddy" and her mother "Mama".
2. She has boobs.
1. She lets me touch her boobs.

Bananas: Fruit of the Gods

February 19, 2009

So I have altered my diet and exercise habits recently. There has been some discussion of eating fruits more often. There is a certain fruit that is superior to other fruits. The banana is that fruit. I have felt this way about bananas for a long time. I would like to discuss why the banana is the most superior fruit available in the form of a 1-3-1 essay. (Clearing throat...)

The things I consider when choosing a fruit are portability, cleanliness, taste and maintenance. These three items must be considered when committing ones economic resources (time, money, energy and so forth) to the choice that faces us all in the produce aisle of the grocery store.

Let us discuss portability first. The primary goal of portability is to answer the question, can I easily carry this fruit? Fruits that fall into the category of an easily carried fruit, are the apple, the orange and the banana. All three can literally fit into the pocket of the carrier, or a bag, backpack, lunchbox, or anything else. The kiwi, pineapple and cabbage head are not as easily carried. True, the kiwi is small, but the hair will flake off inside a pocket, the soft nature of the fruit allows it to be potentially crushed. Pineapples are challenging to carry based on size and inconsistent skin texture. The same reasons apply to a head of cabbage, not to mention the fact that cabbage must retain water to taste good and maintain freshness. One of the worst fruits in terms of portability is the grape. The loose structure of the grape vine makes it hard to bag, difficult to carry in a pocket and they can leak and dry out if not carried properly.

Cleanliness is the next issue we must consider. The apple appears clean, but when you eat it there will be juice. This means the eater better have a napkin handy or be prepared to be covered in juice and smell like an orchard the rest of the day. This is even more the case with oranges. After eating an apple or orange snack the eater will have to deal with a core or hardy peel, respectively. Unless you eat the fuzzy skin of the kiwi, the same is true of that tropical fruit. The same fact exists with pineapples. Grapes are cleaner to eat because there is little juice, but still you are left with the stem to dispose of. With a banana the eater is left with a peel. There is no juice with a banana (assuming the eater consumes the fruit in a timely manner) and the peel is dry, and could be placed practically anywhere (your lap, even a car seat) until a convenient time to dispose of the peel presents itself. Again, bananas carry the field in terms of cleanliness.

Taste is certainly the most relative category presented here, as one person may prefer one fruit over another. That said the focus here will be on the consistency of taste. An apple can vary in texture, moisture, and taste depending on the season consumed and method of transport (see portability paragraph), not to mention the type of apple you purchase. Granny Smith, Macintosh, Ruby Red are popular flavors, some meant for cooking, some for eating. Who wants to remember, or chance that the preferred flavor is not available? Oranges are the same and can vary in skin thickness, juiciness, size, and even the presence or lock of seeds. Many of these properties are not known until the fruit is half-eaten. But with a banana you can test the freshness with merely a glance from a distance. The taste is so consistent with a banana that the eater knows exactly the flavor he or she will be met with upon eating the fruit. And though it is the opinion of the writer, a banana eaten at the proper time has a smooth, soft, creamy taste that is never sharp or shifting from one banana to the next.

Maintenance is one of the most important factors when choosing an edible fruit. When eating an apple what is the first thing the eater/preparer must do? Remove the sticker applied, not by God, but by the harvesting farmer, and even then not with loving hands, but by cold sting of metal and a jet of blasted air. The second thing that should be done is to wash the fruit with water to remove the harmful pesticides. Grapes must also be rinsed before being eaten, as is the case with most other fruit. But fruits like oranges and bananas do not need to be washed because the pesticide is on the skin, which is peeled away and discarded. The fruit stays protected by God's holy design of an impermeable skin, which protects the sweet flesh underneath.

In conclusion the banana shares some positive traits with fruits like apples, oranges and grapes. It is true that there is a time for all fruit to be eaten, but when choosing a fruit to fit a busy lifestyle, the banana is close to perfect and has few blemishes on its yellow reputation.

See table and chart below.

Scores in each individual category are based on a scale of 1-10, 10 being the highest score possible, 1 being the lowest.
Each score is then added to create the total score on the right. The highest possible Total Score would be 40/40.

The chart below is sorted by default by Total Score. To sort the chart
by Maintenance, Taste, Cleanliness, Portability, click on the appropriate link.