I Found Her

July 15, 2004

Beckah has come to Utah. There is much news. Many things happened. I am officially engaged to be married. I'll get to that. I wanted to write about all the stuff we did all week. The main goal was to get her here to see if she would like Utah at all. But by the time she got here half the wedding was planned. So by default she liked it before she saw it. But after this past week, I think she liked Utah quite a bit. Anyway, on with the story.

I spent all of the previous week cleaning the house. Not that it needed it, but I did the smaller stuff, dusted, vacuumed, etc. It looked brand new when I finished. Beckah landed on Tuesday afternoon July 6th which we determined was right about the time we met 5 years ago. We don't remember the exact day, but it was about this time of year. When she landed we went to Fat Cats and played pool. That was fun. We talked about billiards and balls and sticks and holes and the basic approach to the game. Then we went back to my condo, relaxed and gave her the grand tour (yes, both rooms AND the kitchen). From there we went to Porcupine Grill and had a lovely dinner and watched the sunset. It was at that time, after being full from noodles and ice cream that I grabbed her hand and officially asked her. She said yes and it was a lovely moment. Then we just drove around and talked and that was all in day 1!

The next day was Wednesday. I cooked bacon to make up for her Aunt Judy's bacon. I think Aunt Judy has me beat but I am not ashamed of my bacon. We went down town to Gateway Mall to see an aquarium display. They had some neat things. They had a tank of stingrays that you could touch and pet and the highlight was a tank of white tip, black tip and hammer head sharks. That was very intense. The other tanks they have were full of acquairium fish and local frogs and trout. Nothing to write home about. Then we went to Grand America Hotel and saw Eddie who gave us a tour of the building. It's a big place and we just did a fast tour because we had to get back to West Jordan for youth.

The youth were very excited about the whole news of Beckah. They asked many questions and they expressed dislike that there was no ring. But the ring is coming. Beckah's family owns a jewelry store and we are going to buy the ring together there. I know its not traditional, but its good, and we both agree with the idea. So, I don't want to hear any guff about no ring. There will be one. Just not yet. After youth we rented a move, went home, and fell asleep 30 minutes into the movie.

The next day was canyon day. We went up Butterfield Canyon and saw some sights, Big Cottonwood Canyon, across Guardman's pass into Park City during Sunset and back into Salt Lake down Emmigration Canyon. We did quite a hike up Big Cottonwood Canyon and saw sites like Donut Falls, a really big tree and took a few snap shots. We found ways to waste time. We also went to my Grandmother's house to visit her. Her name is Lucille "Peggy" Greenwood. Beckah enjoyed that also I think. Also there was my Aunt Karen. We toured her yard and saw a few family pictures. We also went and saw the duplex dad and I have been working on. One plan of ours was to have Beckah live in the Duplex for a few months, but now that we are engaged that won't be necessary.

Friday we went to JC Penney in Utah so that Beckah could clear up her job transfer. I went to the food court and she did it all. I didn't want to be all hovering over her while she took care of her business. But it all went well. From there we went to eBay and I showed her my desk at work and a little bit of what I do. Then we went to my parents house to introduce Beckah to my mom and dad. Without going into too much detail, everything went great, mom and dad loved Beckah (which didn't surprise me at all) and Beckah liked mom and dad (also not surprising). Then we went to Murray Park and again enjoyed a wonderful sunset. Beckah got hold my camera and took pictures. You gotta watch out for her. We found a cool car too!

The next day we went downtown again this time to see the Mormon Temple. (Awed gasps.) We did a tour, talked about religion and Mormonism in Utah, my experiences with it. We talked about basic Utah history and pioneers, July 24th, government. All these really boring but vitally important topics. I enjoyed the day immensely actually. But, I was always a bit of a nerd about this stuff! That night we met Paul and went out to eat at Red Robin and came back to my house and played Xbox till we dropped. Some of us dropped faster than others. Beckah lasted about 15 minutes before falling asleep!

The next day we went to church and Beckah saw me play drums and Pastor Pat told me he would introduce us as engaged. I didn't expect anything more than a golf clap but the whole church started clapping and literally squealing. Most unexpected. Then we had a world famous BBQ at my mom's house and spent the whole day there talking and planning and eating and having a good time.

The next day we woke up, went to Apollo Burger and then to the airport. Off she flew. I won't see her again until 3 days before the wedding, which is on August 29th. If anyone wants an invitation and I havn't talked to them they should email me VERY SOON.

So, I am Craig and I wasn't supposed to be married. Ever. But I am. Have I matured and grown up, or have I failed in my endeavor to stay single? Or have I just been "Bitten by the love bug" as everyone is telling me? I do love her. I have made it a special point to not tell her I loved her until I asked her to marry me. I did this for a specific reason. Love is supposed to be strong and ever lasting right? The instant I realize I love someone that means I am saying my feelings are strong and ever lasting. It would be foolish to tell someone I loved them if I didn't have immediate plans to marry them. It would also be foolish to be engaged for a long period of time. If I have determined that I love Beckah, and I have, then there is no more waiting to be done. I love her, so we get married. Like connecting dots. You do one, then the other. That is the reason for the fast time of the marriage.

I am excited and looking forward to it. Meanwhile I still have many summer plans, including San Francisco, Lake Powell and possibly Moab.

Boating in Flaming Gorge

July 1, 2004

Time again for another intense journal entry. First I wrote a story to add to the growing collection. This story is about Lithuanian Cheeseballs and it is very true. Check that out when you get a chance.

In other news Paul and I went fishing with dad. We went to Flaming Gorge and I wanted to give a full report. We had a few adventures. We packed up and truck and boat and headed out. About an hour before we hit our destination we ran into a large herd of cattle that was being driven somewhere. We couldn’t drive so we just stopped and watched for a little while. I guess it takes a few people to drive cattle. And apparently girls can do it too! There were two girls on horses. I asked their names when they approached the car and met Whittney and Ana. One of the cowboys told Whitney to lead us through the cattle and she did. She walked through the middle of this herd of 1-200 cows and they parted like the Red Sea. We drove through and saw a lot of cows. Cows are not the prettiest of animals up close. They look like a peaceful part of the countryside when you see them, but up close these beasts are not known for their grace, or their speed, or their fair scent. But there are a lot of them in the world. Darwin probably should have weeded these out a long time ago. They have no natural defense, or camouflage. They just set there and stink. They depend on the protection of humans to survive and have adapted so. So does this symbiotic relationship go both ways? Do we NEED cows to survive? Who knows? I just take the pictures.

When we got to the lake the weather was miserable. We launched the boat and it started raining. To wait it out we ran the boat up on a beach next to a group of jet skiers. It turns out that one of them broke down as he was leaving so we took the USS Nicky-Mae (The name of Paul’s boat) and rescued him in the wind and brought him back to shore. He was pleased. His name was Doug and we made sure they were set and had working equipment before we left.

Finally the weather calmed down and stayed nice the rest of the weekend. We began fishing. I’m glad that dad came. I think it was good for him to relax and I loved showing him Flaming Gorge through a new experience, on a boat. We had cokes and ate bagel sandwiches and it was fun for me and I think for him too. Predictably we didn’t catch anything the first day. I think I had some little 6 inch small mouth bass but nothing worth talking about. So I took some pictures of the canyons we were in. I’d tell you the names but I don’t remember. The rock formations are cool and in some places look like peanut butter.

That night we rode into Manilla and ate dinner and dad stayed in a hotel, Paul and I stayed on the boat. The weather was better the next day and we started catching actual fish. Still small mouth. Then I caught 2 of them right in a row, sizeable fish that you could eat if you wanted. (We didn’t want to). So the trip is now called a success and the expense in gas and food is 100% justified. We probably collectively spent $100 or so to catch 2 fish, not to mention the cost of the boat itself. People are funny that way.

We packed up the boat. I wanted to make sure Paul got some mention because what is a journal entry without Paul? Paul recently bought a new truck to haul his boat which he is very happy with. It’s a brand new 2004 Chevy 2500. He is pleased with it as you can see in this image. Notice the sleek curves of the truck and aerodynamic qualities of the rig. This is power worthy only of Captain Paul. All hail Captain Paul!! Huzzah!

Beckah Enters

June 15, 2004

Journal time. Much to report. First, my car has been broken into. A few weeks ago Paul and I went for a bike ride. We started on the Jordan River Parkway at 7800 S. and I left a few things in the car including my watch and my car stereo. I opted not to lock the car. I figured “What’s the worst that could happen? Sunday afternoon on Labor day weekend in Utah at the family friendly Jordan River Parkway”. So we left. Paul even said “Wait a moment, I need to lock my car.” and I thought, “Mmm..well..I don’t really have anything in my car so I’ll just leave it open. So we went. We made it all the way down town. Biked around the Mormon temple grounds as if it were Jericho, at least that’s what I was thinking. Mwuhahaha!! We also broke into the LDS Conference center. Well ok we didn’t break in. They were doing tours of the roof and we hopped a chain to get up to the roof. It turns out we could have just taken the elevator. But it felt more exciting this way. I had never been there before. It’s a valid building. We had flat tires so we took Trax back to 7800 S. and when we got back to my car the stereo was gone as was my watch and few other smaller things. Rule #1, NEVER leave your car unlocked. It’s my fault. I felt too secure. I don’t really care TOO much about the stereo. The watch I will miss. But at least the car was not gone and noone was hurt. All the same its like being raped. Since then all things have been replaced which makes me thankful I have the resources to replace the things. It also makes me feel a little trite. People are starving and I’m worried about a watch. But there you go. That’s what happened. Lock your doors kids. Even in Utah on a Sunday in the afternoon in the suburbs.

In other news I wanted to post some picture of my fish tank at work. I am moved into my new desk at work. One of the new things I did at this desk is add a fish tank. I started a whole web dialog on a website to discuss tropical fish and decided to purchase something called White Cloud Mountain Minnows. Here is the tank in it’s full setting, here is just the tank close up, and lastly here are my five fish. I don’t have names for them all. Anyone is welcome to suggest names. It’s hard to think of famous quintets. I’m all ears.

Ok, enough teasing. I know why you’re all reading the journal. “Tell us about your trip to Nashville.” Ok, ok, I’m coming to it. I went to Nashville last week. I went to visit a friend of mine named Beckah. I met Beckah sometime ago. 5 years ago in fact. We lost touch when I moved back to Utah in January of 2001. In fact we lost so much touch that I was sure I would never talk to or see her again even though I kind of thought we might see each other at random sometime before I died. Well, she contacted me and we hit it up again and that’s why I decided to go see her.

We had an extremely good time. Our first stop was the Grand Old Opry hotel which has the nice gardens. It was fun. It had the desired effect I was going for. She had never seen them. I forgot my camera. After the hotel we went and saw the house I used to live in, we saw a fish store that sells piranhas and did some minor site seeing around my old Nashville life. Next we went to the power and glory of J. Alexander’s restaurant. Nothing could have been more perfect. Except there was a 40-minute wait and we didn’t even finish all that we ate. After that we drove to Murfreesboro which was a good half hour away. I checked into my hotel. There was a window there that Beckah liked so I finally busted out the camera. By that time it was late and tomorrow had many plans. So the next morning she came back over and picked me up and off we headed to Smithville to meet her family. It was raining HARD the entire drive down there and when we got to her house her parents and aunt and uncle were on the porch and we were in the car. We had to make a mad dash to the porch so my introduction to her family was a mad dash through the pouring rain and clomping up on the porch and saying “Hi, here I am!!!” Shook hands all around, everyone was happy and smiling and laughing and joking and I felt right at home. Their names were Waltyne and Hurl Cantrell, with Aunt Judy and Uncle Jerry and sister Cindy. All very nice. Waltyne is interested in history and ancestry so we hit it off. I admit that as we spoke about ancestors I was mostly picking her brain to see if there was any Tacker or Phillips blood in the Cantrell line because if there were then that would make me family, and by proxy I figure I should be written into the various wills and testaments.

Anyway we had BBQ and all was great. We left and drove back to Murfreesboro and went right to Walmart. Finally the rain cleared up and we ran a few errands, and actually went to JC Penny where Beckah works as a Jewelry Manager. She hires and fires people and people call her “ma’am” and bribe her when they can. Actually she mostly sells jewelry and watches and she got me a great deal on a watch since I was in dire need of one. Well, need. Not like Sri Lankan children need education, but I wanted a watch anyway. Beckah hooked me up.

The next day I hopped on an airplane and returned to Salt Lake. All flights were smooth, the trip overall was great, much was accomplished. She will be in Salt Lake in about 3 weeks.

This all is an interesting development in the life of Craig, and its happening fast and I intend to speed it up if anything. There will be more on this as it unfolds I’m sure.

That’s all I have to say about that. Dad’s basement is now finished and we’re into furniture moving mode there now. That’s easy stuff. The duplex continue to be a headache. We all can’t wait till it is done. It is fun learning about the construction aspect though. Dad knows it all but lacks energy and the back for it. I know nothing but have all the energy. So we’re a team. But its slow going. I might post some pictures of that when we get it done.

All Kinds of Things

May 27, 2004

I wanted to post a new entry before May got away from me. There has been a lot happening in my life, most of which I will not comment on right now. Watch for entries in August or September. I am headed to Nashville in about two weeks to visit some friends. I am officially done with school for 2004!!! I have two classes I need to pick up but I am going to wait until 2005 so that eBay reimburses me for them. So I am relaxing the rest of this year. I’m very pleased about that. Dad is finishing the basement and I helped paint it. The next steps are to add a ceiling and carpet and some furniture. Then we can focus on finishing the duplex which basically needs painting and new carpet and cleaning. So we will be doing that.

Hannibal has been doing great. He never had any disease. I am under the impression now that his “slime shield” rotted away which made me think he had a disease but he actually didn’t, it was just a result of water that had too much nitrogen. So now, all he needs is healthy water which he has. But the symptom is still there. So anyway, he’s doing fine. I took some pictures of his new tank. Here is the full tank and here is a close up of Hannibal. I recently bought a red claw crab for the tank to take care of the snails and either that or the goldfish have done it. I have no more snails at all. The crab has been fun. He’s like the Hollywood star of the tank. He comes out VERY rarely and when he does he does he draws all my attention. I should say she because it’s a girl crab. So by default the crabs name is Clarice. Because the crab can live with Hannibal and there’s a constant tension in the water. So Clarice is the name of the crab. As soon as she comes out I will get a picture of her.

Work is going quite well. Nothing particularly note worthy. New building, new desk, same basic job. Getting to know some new people. It’s working out nicely. I am excelling with macros and HTML and it’s a lot of fun.

Church is bubbling. The youth group has 6 or 7 people coming and I’m helping a kid named Casey learn the play the bass with me during worship. That’s a LOT of fun. He’s a bright happy upbeat kid and he loves to play. We’ve only played two weeks but I saw improvement, he had been practicing and it showed and it was really neat to see that.

Keep watching the journal for more updates. Hopefully I’ll get some action going this summer for some new stories!

More Garments

April 22, 2004

Let's do this journal thang. Hannibal is officially moved into his new tank. He has gill disease. It was my fault. I let the nitrogen get too high in the old tank. I bought some chemical to take the nitrogen away but it didn't work so now he's moved and I have some other chemical to heal his gill disease. What a mess. And it's my fault. To move the fish I drained most of the water from the old tank. Then, I rigged up a fish net from a wire hanger and an old T-shirt and caught him. He didn't freak out at all. I expected him to go absolutely wild. But he swam into the net and twitched a couple times and then it was done. The majority of the work was cleaning out the old tank.

In other news, I entered the Mormon garment business again. I listed one auction and the winning bidder failed to pay the $415 he bid. This was auction number 3906491466. I filed Non Paying bidder forms and relisted as a Buy It Now with immediate pay for $60. This item sold and the money was collected. In the first listing I received about 200 emails over the course of 7 days. In the second listing I received about 500 emails over the course of 3 days. People are coming out of the woodwork and most are upset. People are now listing eBay listings with 'Mormon garments' in the title to distract the regular flow of things. This is called 'search manipulation' and is not allowed and eBay will likely end the listings. And the sellers will scream bloody murder. But, as suggested in my journal entry in February, you must follow all rules.

The emails I received this time around were much more organized and professional. They were also much more boring to read though. Most of them said something to the effect of 'This is rude and I request you remove the auction'. I didn't reply to any of those. That's like walking into a hardware store and telling the manager you're offended the he is selling hammers. The manager will look at you and say 'Thanks, sport, I'll file that. The exit door is over there.' Some of the emails are very mean, swearing, threatening, promising disaster from God. Some very directly damn me to hell. I got a few Bible versus this time too! I think two. Nothing about garments though.

Some told me I was like the money changers selling items in the temple courtyard when Jesus destroyed their market place in rage. Oddly enough I think the LDS church is the one in the courtyard. According to Mark 11:15 the money-changers in the temple were selling doves (among other merchandise). One must ask why doves? The reason is that Jews at the time would buy doves to offer as sacrifice to God to make up for the blood atonement required to forgive sin. So it was very convenient one stop shopping. Run errands, stop at the temple, pick up a dove for slaughter and you're home by 5:00 to eat dinner. But sin is not something that should be taken lightly, nor the forgiveness of that sin. I believe that is why Jesus was upset with this operation and the reason he turned their tables that day. They were making light of the forgiveness of sins and turning it into a simple transaction.

I feel the LDS faith does the same thing today. They sell garments, and shoes and robes and towels and belts and ties and all these articles for their temple ceremonies. In Mormonism to get to their highest level of heaven you must be endowed in the temple and that means wearing garments. I feel in the LDS religion that garments are being indirectly equated with salvation. I believe it is the LDS leaders that are the money changers at the temple. I think they are (and have been for years) conveniently selling the garments and indirectly relating them to steps to salvation. This has nothing to do with the real process of salvation and atonement for sins, which is through Christ alone. By selling garments on eBay I am not equating myself with Christ turning their tables, nor am I making fun of Mormonism or insulting anyone. I am saying 'Hey, everyone, look at this. Is this right?' And I am encouraging people to research and make their own answers. Most the Mormons who see my listing are offended. I understand why. It is seemingly offensive. But if one reads the words in my listing one will find no hate language, just a widget for sale.

Hans Christian Anderson told a story of the Emperor's Clothes. Here is a synopsis of that story. If you read that story you will see that everyone was too afraid to say anything about the emperor's obviously false clothes. So everyone went with the flow and convinced themselves that the king's clothes looked great. But one little boy had the courage to stand up and say, 'Hey! He's not wearing anything!' It was very controversial for him to do this. The townspeople could have called him stupid or kicked him out of the town. But slowly they realized the folly of the missing clothes. The boy raised controversy, but was it wrong for him to do so? No, it was not! The boy was wise and courageous and spoke wisdom and truth. I will be the boy. I will stand up and question what I believe is wrong no matter what anyone says. I have taken great pains not to persecute the Mormon Church, but I will ask questions if it can be done legally and ethically. In my eBay listing I have found that venue. I am the boy; the missing clothes are the garments that mean nothing. The creators of the clothes we will call the Mormon Church. The townspeople we will call the world. The king could be you.

That's my comparison. Special thanks to Hans C. Anderson. (Hans, I owe you a coke.)

Let's see what else. 5 weeks left of school. This class is going much easier. Did I mention I got an A- in my last class? My new position at eBay Motors is going very well. I am continuing to lift weights and I am getting to a point where I can see actually muscles that were not there before. That's kind of weird. Life is peachy beyond that.

Piranha Business

April 4, 2004

Today was a full day. Last night I got the idea in my head that I wanted to go to the zoo. So I called Eddie and he and Tara and I all headed out to the zoo. One of the reasons I wanted to go was to talk to someone about setting up a piranha display at the zoo. I met with a guy who said it was possible and the only issue would be funding and maintenance. I am going to put together a business proposal for him which I am actually looking forward to writing. I have lots of ideas but I’ve never written this type of proposal before. I should look up some information on the net on how to write such proposals.

After we talked to him we toured the rest of the zoo. I even had my camera and didn’t really see anything photo worthy so I have no pictures to post of the zoo. However after the zoo we went to a pet store just to kill some time. They had a nice 54 gallon tank there. Long story short, I bought it after encouraging them to lower the price by 20%. I need to be careful how I transfer Hannibal to the new tank. He won’t be happy at first but I think it will be healthier for him to have some more room to stretch his fins. Here is the view of the new tank from the front and here is it from the top just to give you an idea of the corner shape.

My class at school is almost done. It was e-strategy. I didn’t enjoy this class actually. After taking November and December off it’s hard to get back into the swing of school. I will be done with my last class of 2004 in late May. Then I’m done till 2005.

My goals this summer are to be more active. Paul and I are planning on going boating a lot this summer. We can store his boat at Lake Powell so going and coming will be much easier. I also want to do more mountain biking and even go to Moab to do a few of those trails. I’ve been talking about doing Moab forever and I very much want to finally do it. I also want to go fishing more with dad than I did last summer. I think we went twice last year. There should be more.

Oh, at work I got a nice little change. eBay started a motors chat team and I’m going to be going to do that. This is a lateral move which means no increase in hourly pay, but it’s a new department headed up by marketing and I hope that means more potential for promotion to lead or CEO. That would mean a raise and promotion which I feel is LONG over due, but that’s just my opinion and I’m biased.

Selling Garments

February 4, 2004

The last two weeks have been pretty amazing in the wild world of Craig. The most amazing thing is this recent auction I listed on eBay for Mormon undergarments. It started when I was advised by another employee that listing them on eBay would be a problem. I thought, "No it wouldn't..it's perfectly legal." I did a search just to see if other people had listed this. Sure enough there was an auction listed. I bid on it to show I was interested and even emailed the seller and wished him luck. I mostly just wanted to make sure the item ended with a winning bidder. Well, it did! As the auction progressed I saw it end at $71. That was all the convincing I needed. I wanted in on that!

So I did some research and learned how to get hold of garments for myself. I followed the highest ethical and moral principals in getting these garments. I did not lie, cheat or steal to get them. I listed them on eBay here and decided I better follow all eBay rules and put my eBay employee link on the auction. Looking back now, I am SO glad I did this. This story would be very different if I didn't. Long story short, and after many emails received from concerned members, my auction ended at $1000.01. I was a bit perplexed because I figured the winning bid was not real. The next day I checked and saw that eBay had suspended my winning bidder's account and I was a little upset and a little relieived about that. Upset because it meant that most likely the bidder would not be paying but releived because it also meant I couldn't receive any negative feedback, which is always a risk when selling on eBay. If you read the full text at this message board you will see that this bidder never intended to pay and just placed the bid to sabotage the auction.

The day after the auction ended I started getting phone calls from media. I never expected that. I knew this would be a big deal, but had no idea the media would get involved! I had to decline interviews initially because eBay has a policy that basically says that employees can't talk to press unless they have permission from eBay. I'd never do anything to upset any eBay policy so I stuck to that. I wish I could have though because I would have had a great platform to defend myself against all the emails I received (and there were a LOT). I now have permission from eBay to talk with the media however the rukus has died down enough to where its no longer a media item.

At first the media was all into the fact that the ending bid was $1000. I have to thank that $1000 bidder because they really elevated this issue and brought it a LOT of attention. Due to this attention a number of other people started listing garments for sale on eBay. However eBay cancelled the auctions and the media said this. By the next day the media had got hold of eBay and eBay stated that such items were allowable in this article. Since then a number of people have listed Mormon garments on eBay. Some have been angry and breaking the rules and some have been legitmate, some have listed with an intent to take the market and sell the garments for little money just to break up the market.

Which brings me to my point. If sellers on eBay are going to sell garments then sellers will have to get their act together. As it is now it's just a circus of anger and rage and noone is going to take it seriously. Below are some guidelines sellers of Mormon garments on eBay, and in fact any item, should use:

• Follow all eBay rules. If you don't know them, study them and follow them all to a "T". If you don't it just ends up in your items and sometimes accounts being suspended and the circus will continue.
• Dont make your listing some political or religious statement. Just treat it as a widget. Sell the widget.
• Be polite and professional in all communications. This includes the listing itself, emails to members, to eBay, to everyone. Online or offline, in all walks of life, to everyone--eBay related or not.
• Make sure you have good intentions. If your intentions are "to piss off Mormons", or "because Mormonism is wrong and I have to teach them" then don't list your garments on eBay. If that is your attitude then find another venue or don't sell at all.
• Don't reply to deragatory statements directed to you or your actions. Tempting as it may be to defend yourself, it brings no good to you or your cause. If members email you through eBay, they don't know your email address until you respond. Giving them your email address will result in you being added to spam lists, search engine searches, can end in your contact information being found. No good comes from it. Trust me on this one. Only reply to valid questions asked by potential bidders.

So that is my general advice. I will be offering more of these for sale on eBay. Just waiting for additional inventory to show up!

Vinnie and the Deer

February 13, 2004

Imagine with me if you will a new born baby deer. With wide eyes and soaking wet body and a starving stomach. Its mother stands above it and the little baby deer, we'll call him Herman, just wants to stand up and drink some milk to gain strength so it can grow and be a healthy deer. A beautiful image, right?

Now imagine this: next to this process of live birth is a 300 pound man who is in the mafia. He stand 6 foot 5 inches, has a 3 foot metal crow bar, a stocking cap on his head, hes wearing a dirty turtle neck sweater and smoking a half-gone cigar. His name is Vinnie. He is watching the baby deer be born and waiting. As soon as the deer (Herman) gets his front legs underneath him and begins the incredible strain of lifing his body weight, Vinne strikes the little deer in the knee caps with the crow bar. He says nothing, the baby deer falls in pain. And the process repeats.

This is how I feel. Something basically and potentially good was born in my life. I'm not going to get into what here. Maybe later. The little herman of my life has his front two legs propped up. But Vinnie has creamed me before. And little Herman is watching Vinnie. Herman knows that whatever move he makes, Vinnie is about to descend with a vengence. Herman is scared. So scared he has no idea what to do. Everything Herman wants is good and holy and pure and natural and normal. Hermans is supposed to stand. Herman is sick of breaking his knee caps via Vinnie, who he has no control over.

I'm so scared and stressed out, over what should be a basic small little thing. A normal thing. And its destroying me. School is killing me. I found out this week that I have 2 additional classes I have to take to finish. I won't be done in May of 2004. I can't afford to pay for two more classes. So I will have to wait until 2005 for eBay to reimburse me for the other classes. Throws my whole schedule off an entire year. I'm not stressed about that anymore. Because that's out of my control. That's a side project for Vinnie. Something Vinnie does on the side. He mostly breaks knees of baby deer, but sometimes he goes and snaps the heads off of baby ducks too. He's a multi tasker, that Vinnie.

I have been turned down for two promotions at work. That's extra fun. Not stressed about that though. Nothing I can do, it's the past. I'm basically happy with my job and have no problems working it.

Let's do something good. Talk about good. I went skiing with Eddie the other day. No pictures though. My camera died on me. But it was a good day. I had free passes from eBay. It was good. I was pleased with that. I still have two classes left and then Im done with school...until I take those next two classes 2005. But, I will get to relax in a mere 12 weeks for the rest of the year. That's good. Youth has been going good. That's fine, but...also bad. Its taking more and more time and more and more effort. Its something to do, but its just not what I want to be doing.

I don't know how to wrap this entry up. So I'll just stop!

Lack of Desire

December 31, 2003

I have skimped on the journal.  Same excuses.  Nothing really going on in my life.  Halloween happened, Thanksgiving happened, Christmas Happened.  As we speak Kwanzaa is going on all around us.  No one was hurt or killed in any of the festivities.  Church goes on like normal.  I’m still the youth “thing” guy, whatever I am at church.  Virtually no youth.  I can’t wait till they hire a youth pastor.  This is not my drive in life at all.  I don’t really have a drive in life. 

That’s been disturbing lately.  I don’t really want a drive.  I go to work, come home and literally watch TV until bed and then go to bed and wake up and repeat.  This is my regular schedule.  I don’t even like going to the store to buy food.  I am totally unwilling to participate in the activities required to change anything in my life.  Why?  Because ultimately my life isn’t all that bad.  I have a job, I have a house, I make money, I pay bills, every once in a while I do something fun.  Of course, my idea of fun is very different from other people.  That’s beside the point.  But to change anything, I’d have to basically work and go through a bunch of stuff I don’t want to go through.  Like pretend I like people.  Or spend money. Or spend gas, or time.  So I choose the lesser of two evils and just come home and pretty much do nothing.  TV is just noise, Xbox is just noise and the computer I’m on all day at work so who wants to be on it at home?  I should fix my webpage at least.  But, yeesh.  No drive.  The benefit of doing that is very little and the work is not rewarding. 

I am starting school in January.  Optimistically I should say that will help.  But its just busy work.  I’m all ready preparing for the next class, E-law and ethics.  I have been reading the text the last two days.  Its about Internet security and viruses and all that stuff.  That is ALL I do at work each day.  I tell people about how to make their computers safe.  So I take a break from work and read my text book about work.  At least they can’t say I’m not consistent. 

So what can I do?  Watch movies?  Not my thing.  Read books.  I tried that.  I read the Lord of the Rings trilogy during this time I have not been in school.  I read a book called “Party of One: The Loner’s Manifesto” and another book called “Choke”.  That gave me something to do on my breaks at work but reading is not a lifestyle I’d really want to do as part of my every day life.  It is nice at work though.  Magazines get boring.  I could get a second job.  I’ve considered that and may do that when school is done in May.  A second part time night job.  Alphabetizing rocks or something.  Unloading trucks at a helium factory.  Something easy and mindless.  Non-computer related.  But let’s be honest, I know myself.  That’s probably not going to happen.  People need motivation to get a second job, like a rent payment they can’t pay.  I pay my rent and don’t need a second job.  I guess we’ll wait for May and see. 

You know, I try and not be depressing.  I’m nice and jovial and polite to everyone I speak to.  That’s really not the way to win friends.  To win friends you have to talk about brainless topics and play sports and talk about makeup.  The only thing I can talk about is eBay.  I can go for hours about eBay, because that’s all I do.  I shut myself up when I start talking about eBay outside of work just because I figure work stuff can’t possibly be interesting to anyone else. 

I consistently shock myself with the garbage that’s in my mind.  Like how badly I don’t like people.  And I feel like I try to like them.  Until I hear them talk.  If they are talking about something eBay or work related I’m totally engaged in the conversation.  But then they change the subject the best subjects people discuss is strippers and/or beer.  That’s the best people have to offer.  And look at me, right now, following suit and continuing to talk about it. 

If I could just snap my fingers and do anything in the world, I have absolutely no clue what I would do.  Pay my house off?  Go to London?  Be in a band?  Live on the beach?  I consider them all like, “Oh you know I could…” but then I stop.  And I ask, “Why?  Then what?”.  And then I stop.  And I continue watching TV.  Maybe I’m slothful.  Which just makes me feel guilty, like I’m the one not trying.  Well, I guess I am the one not trying.  But, as stated above, no motivation, no reason.  I don’t want more stuff to do, more obligations.  I don’t know what I want.  But that’s not it. 

And now people just expect this of me.  Someone asked me the other day “So how is your emotional state?  Any better?”  Nice.  I am now expected to be in a state of depression by other people. There’s no way that can be good.  It was like getting a report card.  And the answer is “Well, Craig, don’t be depressed.  Be happy.”  Right.  Let me just click that switch. 

Anyway, I’m trailing off.  All this is why I haven’t updated the journal.  I don’t have anything to say or update with.  So, there you go.

Deep Sea Tuna Fishing

October 22, 2003

I am updating the journal once again.   You may have noticed a few of the links do not work.   This is because some incredibly intelligent person working for my web hosting site (www.freeyellow.com) got the great idea that they should change the way their file structure is set up.   This makes all my HTML wrong, but hey, the important thing is that freeyellow.com made their change and more importantly they basically broke my site.   Thanks guys.   Very handy.

Now that school is done for me (until January) I am going to go through and make every thing work and I will probably redesign the website and make it more user friendly and practice my HTML skills.   Speaking of which, I finished my last class.   No grade has been given, but you can consider it an A.   It was not hard and I had no problems.   Three more classes left and I will be master-Craig.

Enough talk.   I have pictures.   It is fall and the mountains in Utah changed colors and Eddie and I went on a hike.   The only image of importance is this one.   When school finished I took a trip to Southern California to visit friends and primarily to go deep sea fishing for tuna.   I also saw Rochelle, Josh, Tim, Dr. Melton, Geoff, and Michelle in that order.   It was nice to visit the school again and see the changes that have taken place and see Tim again.   That was the best part of the visit I think.   Tim’s married now though so he only gets to play for a few hours at most.   I was lucky I even got to see him.  

I didn’t even take pictures of the people I saw.   I saved the pictures for the fishing trip.  On Saturday I met mother and father and dad and I stepped on to the U.S.S. New Lo-An.   Now, right away, that’s a stupid name for a boat.   Boats should be called powerful things like “Destroyer”, or “Power Floater” or “The Craig”.   But, whatever.   The boat sleeps 44 people in small bunks not unlike the bunks on the Newsboys tour bus.   A little uncomfortable but it was fine.   Only 27 people came on the fishing trip so it was not at full capacity but 27 was about 22 too many if you asked me (no one asked me).   When we left the San Diego harbor I stayed up till about 12 and talked with somebody on board about something.   I have no idea.   I took some medicine to ward off the sea sickness and I don’t know if it was playing with my head or not.   It must have because I felt very weird.   But I wasn’t sea sick.   Dad said he woke up and the crew was playing with some sharks and feeding them, but I missed that.  

I woke up about 6 am and the fishing started immediately.   Everyone had brought up two fish by the time I tied my line. I hooked a fish but the crew but my line because it got tangled with everyone else’s.   This happened about 3 times that morning.   I was a very upset Craig, but I fished on.  

With the crowd of people there was no way to not get tangled.   I would much prefer if nobody was there.   Just the captain maybe.   People were very much in the way.   I hold no grudge against them though. They just wanted fish too, like me.   Anyway, finally I caught one.   He was bigger than a trout, put up more of a fight than a trout and I fought him for a long time, but I finally got him on board.   It was really nothing though and I would have preferred him to be bigger and feistier and of higher quantity.   That one fish cost me about $300 total.   That’s all I caught.   All the fish caught that day were about the same size though so I won’t feel too bad.   Dad also caught one about the same size.  

Throughout the day we saw about 10 sunfish, which was neat at first, but they were common and they don’t do anything.   So they got boring.   Later we saw about a foot ball field’s size school of porpoises.   That was neat.   They jumped and followed the boat and that was worth the trip right there.   I also saw three flying fish and that was very cool.   We caught yellow tail tuna, yellow fin tuna (which are different apparently) some skip jack (which look just like tuna but no one likes them) and I think there was some blue fin tuna but I’m not sure.   The 27 people caught their quota of fish in about 4 hours.   The majority of the time fishing was just catching and throwing back.   Of course I only caught one fish while others caught 8 or more and the quota was 5 per person, so someone has my fish.   Anyway, one tuna fish provides quite a bit of meat so I don’t feel bad.   I still would have liked one more though.  

I think the total number we caught was 130 fish.   They would staple numbers in each fish so they could cut them up and give them to whoever caught them later.  

Dad slept a good part of the day and didn’t even fish all that much.   I think he was happy to be there though.   At the end of the day we boated home and got a nice sun set.   I’m not a huge sunset picture fan and I try not to post many of them.   It’s the same sun as yesterday.   But this one was special so here.

The next day mom and dad and I went to the Point Loma cliffs and tidal pools.   I took a few pictures but this was the only one of any value.

I would like to do this again and hopefully catch more fish.   Possibly next summer or maybe spring.

This is a long entry so I won’t drag it out too much longer.   Nothing much left to say anyway.